Long Time, New Country

Dear lovely readers,

So much time has passed I don't know if you remember me! I am writing this post from the bedroom of a very kind UWC grad who has so kindly allowed other UWCers to couchsurf- even if she isn't home.  The leaves are fluttering elegantly in the breeze outside this historic building made of stone in Edinburgh.

  I am currently travelling in the UK visiting old and new friends.  It has been an absolutely spectacular journey so far. So many people have reinstalled my faith in humanity and I am so grateful to have had many spontaneous experiences thus far!

Many things happened today:

- I went to a farmers market and a craft market
- I found myself spontaneously in the middle of a free Palestine protest
- I climbed a beautiful hill called Arthur's seat in Edinburgh
- I made a new beautiful friend from Germany atop previously mentioned hill
- I had a lovely conversation and tea in a park
- I bought a sweater for $7 since Scotland is colder than expected!
- I skyped with a dear friend - had a spontaneous nap - finally updated this blog.

The last month of my first year at university was a whirlwind of lovely times with lovely people, studying and completing exams, packing up, and saying goodbye....I will write more reflections as soon as I can and include some photos :)

Much love to you,
Emmy

Lucky to be Busy

Dearest patient readers,

Well it has been ages since I wrote. The last 3 weeks or so have been so jam packed, having time to find my breath has escaped me, and I have not been able to think past the next hour, never mind get onto Blogger. But everyone's busy these days aren't they? It used to bug me so much when people would make excuses: "Sorry! Can't do that! I'm busy!"

Well hello then, Busy.

What does busy mean anyway? I'm tired of being busy. You know, just as I wrote that, I thought - wow, what a privileged thing to say.  What have I been busy with?  Getting post-secondary education in one of the best countries, at one of the best schools. Poor me.

 Nevertheless, I am going to make it my mission to fill my life with things that are important instead of getting sucked up by busyness.

I've been thinking a lot about my trip to Kenya lately with the Kule Foundation and whenever I start to feel ungrateful or burnt out I look into the eyes of the little children whose photos are up on my wall.  I remember talking with the Women's Empowerment group at Kibera Hamlets.  I remember the looks of amazement on peoples' faces when I told them I would be going to university.  I was baffled.  Why were they so impressed?  Why did I never realize the true privilege of being able to attend UBC? 

If the next part of the post sounds silly, it is because I am trying to describe something that is not really meant for words to describe.

I feel lucky.  It never ceases to amaze me just how diverse our experiences are, all determined by something so random (or maybe not so random) as who our parents are and where we live.  I feel lucky for my wonderfully supportive and loving parents.  I feel lucky for my incredible brother and my enlightening, kind grandparents.  I feel lucky for the roof over my head, for the books on my shelf, for the sunshine outside.  I feel lucky.

I also feel lucky to be healthy.  Someone close to me is very ill and I cannot imagine what kind of suffering and pain many people must be going through. I am in awe of the undefeatable human spirit inside, in awe of  courage, in awe of the willingness to grow and accept what life throws at us.  We don't know what could be tossed our way in the next minute, we don't know what will present itself as we turn the next corner.

Speaking of corners, I have now entered my third decade of life.  No, I am not 30.  But it is a milestone and it was a lovely birthday despite not being a spectacular Pearson extravaganza.  The past ten years have been such an incredible and unforeseen journey.  I have found myself in places and circumstances that seemed impossible or limited to my imagination...I have seen many dreams manifest, I have met many wonderful souls, I have learned a few things.

And I have a lot more to learn.  Life as a 20 year old seems pretty amazing at the moment.  Thank you for everything.  Thank you for everything.  Thank you for everything.

May you feel grateful for the blessings in your life, even if they don't look like blessings yet.

With a full heart,
Emmy

Picture from Rejoice - UBCO's first ever international fashion show, featuring clothes from UBCO students' closets and Toronto Fashion Week.  For more see: ubco.tv and http://bookedstyle.blogspot.ca/2012/03/rejoice-fashion-show_29.html

Wednesday Sunset

I stand outside the side door
Time stops and the sky pulls me in
A warm embrace of wonder I am staring
Helpless into depths of crimson hue
And I am filled with feeling so true
It simmers down to my fingertips. I drop
What I am holding and I literally embolden
With spontaneous sprinting and I run,
I run, I run up, up, that hill I am searching for light.
I am chasing the sky.  Sky chasers, you and I.

She is fading. So fleetingly
Dancing in vibrant colour
I catch glimpses of spins and turns.
And I am prancing up the gravel
Without a care in the world
I am under the influence.
I am under the influence of Beauty
And Earth's gentle caress and the wind
And the night and the coyote and the
Bear and me, we all stand there.
Up high.  We stand to meet the sky.

I sit on a rock.
I watch as the sun drops
Behind the hills and I hear shrill
Cries of wolves and fear brushes
My skin but I remember
The place I'm in. It is not mine.
I ask for protection and
I take the sign of black and blue
Clouds as my moment to turn back
and now I walk in peace

Spirit filled with lingering sun
I know in my heart
What's done is done.

Camera Obscura For You

You see, I have this awesome friend named Belen Fromparaguay.  :)  She has great taste in music and is one of the most talented and down to earth people I know.  She told me about these two songs and they always make me feel better after a long day.  Friends are flowers in the garden of life.

The Small Stuff

I read a beautiful blog post today that changed my outlook  .  The last few weeks have been challenging and it is so easy to forget what beauty is made out of and how it fades to invisibility while we are down.  So as Robert Crampton says:  The small stuff, that you think is the small stuff,  and then you get older and realise that the small stuff is what actually matters.

I hope I don't have to get old to realise that.  I would like to realise it now.

I like waking up to my blinds illuminated by brilliant morning sunshine and then hoisting them open to reveal snow capped hills rolling with patchwork farms at their feet.  I like hugs and feeling someone else's heartbeat. I like being outside under a tree in fresh air and breathing there.  I like the grass under my bare feet when the dew is still evaporating.

I like looking out of a bus or plane window and marvelling at transport and how we humans are capable of miracles.  I like someone patting my back gently while I am crying.  I like it when people play guitar from their heart and let the strings reverberate in tune with their soul.

I like gatherings.  When people of all streets of life begin to walk together or listen to music together or do yoga together or watch a movie together.  I like spontaneous conversations.  I like realizing you have so much in common with a stranger.  I like talking and sharing and reading poetry aloud.  Support groups, snail mail, phone calls, and love.  That's all I need to keep going after a hard day.

And there is the still tranquillity of solitude.  I like being alone sometimes.  Listening to life and being inside my body.  I like living simply.  I like it when I manage to focus on thing at a time, a practise that proves so very difficult when I fly and whiz through life like a jet through the clouds.

The ocean has always rocked me to sleep.  I could stay for hours at a beach, feeling the reassuring tide against my toes.  Flowers and leaves and small notes that say please.  All of that is golden.  I love driving with my mom and listening to my dad's stories, I like hearing my brother open up and absorbing wisdom from my grandparents.  I like cooking with my friends and baking as therapy.  I like it when people come through for other people.  I like old fashioned warmth.

Fireplaces delight me.  So does the smell of new wood.  I love the tall trees at Pearson College and I will never forget the cleansing submerge of Bay Jumping.  I love it when people sit on a bed and talk from their hearts and create something wonderful. I like it when hard work pays off. I like it when I've had a busy day, but when it's done I know at least I accomplished something.

I like snaking up high in the skytrain and zooming by in the fleeting presence of human spirits devoid of pasts and futures. I like the mysterious romances that happen on the skytrain when you glance at each other secretly and it seems like attraction is a magnetic glance and you're entranced without speaking a word.  I love flowy soft clothes and gasps and sighs and when you know someone is overtaken by surprise.

I like story-telling.  I like whales.  I like butterflies in Spring.   I like feeling free and liberated and perfectly content with what is.  I guess I like remembering what makes life joyous and I like searching for the small stuff that makes your heart bigger.

May you appreciate the joy and love that surrounds you, and may you have the courage to look for it.

Taking a Break

Reading break is officially over in three hours.

I have done a minimal amount of reading, but a fair amount of relaxing.  It's a bit hard to comprehend that even on "a break" we are still working. Is doing nothing a crime?  I'm not advocating we all become sloths - I believe in hard work - but I also believe in balance.

Balance escapes me every now and then though, and those that I love sometimes see me falling down familiar pathways of pain.  Can we free ourselves from our past or are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes?  I find myself so easily over-committed.  I'm the first person to tell someone else to relax and sometimes the last person to actually unwind.  The word yes comes hurtling out of my mouth at break-neck speeds when asked to help, and all of a sudden I am on my knees with things to do and places to go.

The other thing on my mind is, achieving a high grade is something that I say I don't care about, but when I find myself achieving  a satisfactory mark instead of an excellent mark it translates to failure. I don't get it!  I wish I could be happy with an A-.  I can't help but wonder if there is a better way to assess learning....

I guess I only have a few more years of formal education and then all of this will seem so far away. As much as I love learning, I am looking forward to figuring out my own answers and having the freedom to live the way I choose.  This is SUCH a luxury! How lucky we are to be able to live the lives we desire.

So on days like this, when I feel lonely and a bit discontent  I need to remember to be grateful for the roof over my head, the food in my stomach, the incredible family I was born to, the friends I have found, the lessons I can learn, and the Earth that keeps it all spinning.

Life could be as simple as the wind.

How To Be Alone