Yoga and Loneliness

This morning I went to yoga and as we practised I could see the snow lined tree branches outside scattering snowflakes in the wind.  All around me the mountains were dusted with white and I couldn't get over the fact that I live in such a stunningly beautiful place.  Every evening I fall asleep next to shimmering lights in the valley and every morning I see trees and mountains.

I think the natural environment has such an impact on us.  A friend of mine was telling me about a common plight facing many children today - Nature Deficit Disorder.  Do you think we are more or less connected to the Earth today than in the past?  I'm not sure, but I know I feel a million times better after a walk in the woods.

Lately I've been feeling lonely.  I know it is possible to be content in your own company, and most of the time I am.  Perhaps it is the fact that nearly all of my friends have significant others, and I do not.  Perhaps it is just insecurity.  Perhaps it is just loneliness, plain and simple.  Our society teaches us that it is necessary to be constantly stimulated and constantly surrounded by people.  It's another lie.  So is the belief that we need someone else to complete us.  My  head knows all of this, but my heart doesn't understand.

I also know that we are social creatures and my happiest days are ones where I am running into friends and feeling connected.  But is everything we need  within us?  Or do we need to look outside ourselves for wholeness?

Recently I painted a poem that is hanging up on my wall.  It seems to soothe my soul.  Here it is:

Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

- Mary Oliver

On Track

Hello dear readers,

There has been a cloak of fog enveloping the Okanagan the last few days and it feels like some sort of winter insulation.  I am back at school and slowly establishing a rhythm of study and life again.   First let me say, it is wonderful to be back.  It is wonderful to feel more like myself and happy again and to be reminded of how much I love this campus.  Recently, I was talking to someone in my class about the sense of community here, about how much I love the opportunities for connection. 

For example, we have a Collegia program here, which is basically a series of beautifully renovated living rooms on campus where commuter students (or any student) can study, nap, or socialize between classes.  I think our school is one of the very few in Canada that has a free program like this.  I think it is the responsibility of each student to take steps to get involved though...you can be offered all the opportunities in the world, but the important part is stepping up and saying yes.

My dear friend Makyla wrote me a letter about saying yes before I left for New Zealand.  It signified one of the biggest lessons I learned while I was there - embracing where you are.  Obviously you can't say yes to everything, there just isn't enough time in the day, but when you are open to the opportunities that present themselves life becomes so much more enriching. 

This semester I am taking some wicked classes - Sociology of Families, Cultural Studies Practices, Critical Theory, and Postcolonial Literature and Culture.  Each one has something valuable to offer and very often they overlap and complement each other.   For my extra curriculars I am swimming, dancing, kickboxing (maybe), guiding tours, doing yoga, and maybe volunteering at the daycare.

I am feeling good these days.  Happy about my decision to change majors and do Cultural Studies instead.  Settled in my new home with two incredible roommates and a mountain view.  Content with my activities.  Rejuvenated by my friendships.  Grateful for my family and the countless blessings around me.  I am feeling like I am on track, at last.

With much love,
Emmy

PS: Here are some photos of my (new) home: