Taking a Break

Reading break is officially over in three hours.

I have done a minimal amount of reading, but a fair amount of relaxing.  It's a bit hard to comprehend that even on "a break" we are still working. Is doing nothing a crime?  I'm not advocating we all become sloths - I believe in hard work - but I also believe in balance.

Balance escapes me every now and then though, and those that I love sometimes see me falling down familiar pathways of pain.  Can we free ourselves from our past or are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes?  I find myself so easily over-committed.  I'm the first person to tell someone else to relax and sometimes the last person to actually unwind.  The word yes comes hurtling out of my mouth at break-neck speeds when asked to help, and all of a sudden I am on my knees with things to do and places to go.

The other thing on my mind is, achieving a high grade is something that I say I don't care about, but when I find myself achieving  a satisfactory mark instead of an excellent mark it translates to failure. I don't get it!  I wish I could be happy with an A-.  I can't help but wonder if there is a better way to assess learning....

I guess I only have a few more years of formal education and then all of this will seem so far away. As much as I love learning, I am looking forward to figuring out my own answers and having the freedom to live the way I choose.  This is SUCH a luxury! How lucky we are to be able to live the lives we desire.

So on days like this, when I feel lonely and a bit discontent  I need to remember to be grateful for the roof over my head, the food in my stomach, the incredible family I was born to, the friends I have found, the lessons I can learn, and the Earth that keeps it all spinning.

Life could be as simple as the wind.

How To Be Alone

Chasing Stars

Train tracks point us forward
On the bends and turns we tip
Precariously on the edge of this
Cart, but I love the motion.
We are being pushed by the wind
Chasing the sky
Submerged in the sea
Climbing the trees
In our imaginary journey.

Sometimes my thoughts
Drift to you and what
Depths are held in your
Eyes and I fall deeper
Sinking into the abyss
Of bliss.

We are running through a field.
We are laughing.
We are falling down.

Chasing stars
Pitch black night
I can't see where I am going
Car headlights in the background
Illuminate the road only five meters
Ahead, you are driving safely.
We don't know where we are going
We can only see the next steps.

On the edge of stone
I think about jumping
The cliff is tempting
Why would I do it?
I want to feel the wind whipping
My scars and let them fade
Into the air like tendrils of smoke
And I listen to the far away
Bells resounding, countryside
Faith and all of that Grace.

Pillow talk.
That's what we search for.
Words to light up our lungs
So that when we breathe,
We scatter sunlight.

Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

Today was one of those days that was illuminated with joy.  The clouds were illuminated by sunlight and it streamed into my skin.  I felt so infused with happiness, I almost couldn't contain it!

This might sound a bit crazed, but I wrote an 8 page essay for political science, and it was so enjoyable!  It was on a really fascinating topic (the Liberian civil war in IR theory) and I learned so much.

I sat outside the EME building today and felt so thankful I live in such a beautiful place.  The rolling mountains and the fields and vineyards, the birds and the pines.   It is a true privilege to live in such a safe, free, beautiful country.  Thank you.

A strange video, a great song.

Wishing you much love.

The Wailin' Jennys

This music really sums up how I have been feeling today.  Camille always has this playing in her room and I find it a comfort to hear it, since it is a comfort to have her in my life.  Thank you Camilley for all those wise words.