Wonderings

Did I mention I live with the best suite-mate ever? The lovely Camille...  We have already had so many great times together, in the less than 2 months we have been co-habitants of this beautiful space.   We have tea, we chat, we listen to music, we laugh, we dance.   It makes me wonder whether being roommates first, friends second ,is a better set up than choosing to live with friends you have known for a long time.

What makes roommates work?  I think it is a happy recipe of understanding, compassion, listening, patience, boundaries, flexibility.   We have started a tradition, Camille and I, with some close friends, of Sunday night dinners.  We cook different meals together and have some time to let go. 

At my old school, Pearson College, living with 3 other girls from 3 other continents (IN ONE ROOM) was a constant challenge and joy.  Pearson was often called a big educational experiment because it pushes us so far out of our comfort zones.   Of course that leads to some immense growth and learning.

Speaking of Pearson, we had the most amazing multi-faith spiritual centre.  It was built by students out of local wood, 10 years ago.   It has a fascinating design and it overlooks a brilliant blue bay and is nestled amidst arbutus trees and lovely evergreens.  Few places are so beautiful in which to ponder....and even though the spiritual centre here is not quite so spectacular, I had some great contemplative moments there.  As students many of us are at a crossroads in our journeys, spiritual or otherwise. Having a moment to reflect in whatever way fits for us is critical to developing some much needed peace.  Do you think our exam results would be different if we meditated on a positive mark beforehand? 

spiritual centre at Pearson College

On a completely different note, it was a rough day.   It all spurred from being reprimanded by a prof for writing too much on an assignment.   This may seem like a trivial thing.  What it triggered was a long time history of overachievement and the judgement that comes along with that.  Pearson sort of remedied all those feelings before, since it was a school made of overachievers.   What a weird complex that word carries....It makes it seem like a crime, overachieving.  As if we try to hard, pretend to know everything, that we are egotistical young people who are involved in everything, we do more because we feel inadequate.

I don’t know if any of that is true.   What I do know is this:  when I raise my hand I am aware of 150 and what they think of me.  I feel self-conscious about participating in class.   I feel like the annoying girl with her hand in the air.  I don’t feel like I fit in and I desperately miss the academic engagement that was so every day in my last school.  Maybe I have been spoiled (I mean, who gets to study marine science in a floating building with 9 other people?).  

Do we conform to what we think we should be or do we dance to the beat of our own drum?  Do we take the opportunity to discover our most true self or do we take the path of least resistance?  Why do people come to university, anyway?