A space to reflect on the university experience and the wider educational journey of life and love.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Skydiving and (un)Broken Cities


 I sat on the edge of the plane struggling to breathe.  The freezing air was whipping in my face and the sheer terror of what I was about to do was finally beginning to sink in.  Then, I was falling, hurtling through space with my eyes wide open.   I could see the cerulean ocean, majestic mountains, patches of farms and blue lakes. When I sent in my application for Go Global I never anticipated seeing the world from such a unique perspective.  This is a story of how my exchange to New Zealand opened my eyes.

I was drawn to two little islands at the bottom of the Earth because of the outdoor opportunities, the kiwi accent, and an intangible voice that reached into my heart and insisted, “Pick me!”  I chose to live in Christchurch, the largest urban center on the South Island because it was centrally located for travelling and because I was interested in how the city was recovering from two massive earthquakes.  I was intrigued by stories of resilience.

On February 22, 2011 at 12:51pm a magnitude 6.3 earthquake struck Christchurch.  Over 180 people died and much of the city’s infrastructure was destroyed.  During my first week in New Zealand I visited Sumner, an oceanfront suburb of Christchurch severely affected by the earthquake.  On top of the cliffs I could see houses ripped in half, rooms and furniture taken down with the crumbling hills.  While exploring the city center I could feel an eerie silence filling empty lots of demolished buildings. Shipping containers held up buildings that were still collapsing.  In the residential red zone, remnants of family life lay scattered across ten thousand empty houses. 

Despite the destruction, the people of Christchurch demonstrated courage and resourcefulness. The University of Canterbury (where I studied abroad) is home to the world-famous Student Volunteer Army which mobilized thousands of students after the earthquakes to contribute to non-life threatening relief work.  A call center was set up and students shovelled tonnes of silt caused by liquefaction.  I took an inspiring class at UC called Christchurch 101 based around service learning.  We learned what kind of service is helpful, and our end of term project was establishing a community garden in a local neighbourhood.

Living in Christchurch taught me that a sense of community can be found in the most unlikely of places.  While attending a world music choir concert, I was spontaneously invited to a poetry slam.  In the sleepy suburb of New Brighton, everything was closed on a Saturday night except for a cafĂ© teeming with 80 ukulele players jamming to old classics.  One evening, after chatting with me for half an hour, a lovely older couple invited me to see their baby goats in the spring. 

I am moved by the generosity and kindness pervasive in New Zealand.  This country is probably one of the last places on Earth where you can hitchhike.  The airport loudspeaker warns you to not let your children play on the escalator.  So many people I met expressed a reverence for the outdoors and an environmental consciousness.

I spent the last two months of my trip travelling around both islands.  It was during this time that I decided to go skydiving.  I found myself continually stunned by magnificent landscapes.  I hiked in an active volcano zone.  I jumped into frigid cold waterfalls.  I went eel fishing.  But despite all of these adventures, the lessons of community and resilience I learned while living in Christchurch continue to resonate.  Living in a city struggling to find its pulse was difficult at times, but taught me about myself and about life.  

The impacts of Go Global are far-reaching - I value certain things in Canada more, I want to travel more, my concept of education has widened, and I developed strong friendships. Whether you are contemplating travelling to a new country for a while, or sitting on the edge of a plane, I hope you keep your eyes open as you leap head first into a new adventure.









New Buildings and Lost Views

I am watching the construction workers install the third floor of a building that is conveniently going up right in front of our apartment.  The crane is swinging in the air and I am cringing.  Before the new building was going up, every night I would fall asleep to a valley of lights.  We always left our living room curtains open so we could see the glimmering beacons in the distance.  Now all of that will be gone.

The new construction is reminding me of a few universal truths.  1) Change is the only thing that is certain.  2) We get easily attached to the way we want things to be.  There is nothing I can do as I stare out the window except be mopey and miserable.  Or I could not be mopey and miserable. I can't halt the construction.  So alas, it is better to surrender.  It is better to witness the change and flow with it instead of resisting.  I know this truth intellectually, yet a part of me still mourns for a loss. Yes I was lucky to have a view in the first place, yes, the mountains are still there...yes, I can find things to be grateful for.

On another note, I've missed teaching yoga lately.  I'm still struggling to establish my daily practice but I usually fit yoga in most days.  I've realized that it is a huge passion of mine.  Sometimes it takes distance for us to realize what we truly care about.

In other news, I had a lovely break with my family.  I am endlessly grateful for their unconditional love and support. My family has taught me what love means.

I wrote an article for the student newspaper about my trip to New Zealand, I will post it right after this one.  I am feeling everything come full circle these days. I am feeling content overall, even as buildings block the view....I guess we can choose what to focus on - the view that remains or the view that is gone.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Yoga and Loneliness

This morning I went to yoga and as we practised I could see the snow lined tree branches outside scattering snowflakes in the wind.  All around me the mountains were dusted with white and I couldn't get over the fact that I live in such a stunningly beautiful place.  Every evening I fall asleep next to shimmering lights in the valley and every morning I see trees and mountains.

I think the natural environment has such an impact on us.  A friend of mine was telling me about a common plight facing many children today - Nature Deficit Disorder.  Do you think we are more or less connected to the Earth today than in the past?  I'm not sure, but I know I feel a million times better after a walk in the woods.

Lately I've been feeling lonely.  I know it is possible to be content in your own company, and most of the time I am.  Perhaps it is the fact that nearly all of my friends have significant others, and I do not.  Perhaps it is just insecurity.  Perhaps it is just loneliness, plain and simple.  Our society teaches us that it is necessary to be constantly stimulated and constantly surrounded by people.  It's another lie.  So is the belief that we need someone else to complete us.  My  head knows all of this, but my heart doesn't understand.

I also know that we are social creatures and my happiest days are ones where I am running into friends and feeling connected.  But is everything we need  within us?  Or do we need to look outside ourselves for wholeness?

Recently I painted a poem that is hanging up on my wall.  It seems to soothe my soul.  Here it is:

Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.


- Mary Oliver

Saturday, January 18, 2014

On Track

Hello dear readers,

There has been a cloak of fog enveloping the Okanagan the last few days and it feels like some sort of winter insulation.  I am back at school and slowly establishing a rhythm of study and life again.   First let me say, it is wonderful to be back.  It is wonderful to feel more like myself and happy again and to be reminded of how much I love this campus.  Recently, I was talking to someone in my class about the sense of community here, about how much I love the opportunities for connection. 

For example, we have a Collegia program here, which is basically a series of beautifully renovated living rooms on campus where commuter students (or any student) can study, nap, or socialize between classes.  I think our school is one of the very few in Canada that has a free program like this.  I think it is the responsibility of each student to take steps to get involved though...you can be offered all the opportunities in the world, but the important part is stepping up and saying yes.

My dear friend Makyla wrote me a letter about saying yes before I left for New Zealand.  It signified one of the biggest lessons I learned while I was there - embracing where you are.  Obviously you can't say yes to everything, there just isn't enough time in the day, but when you are open to the opportunities that present themselves life becomes so much more enriching. 

This semester I am taking some wicked classes - Sociology of Families, Cultural Studies Practices, Critical Theory, and Postcolonial Literature and Culture.  Each one has something valuable to offer and very often they overlap and complement each other.   For my extra curriculars I am swimming, dancing, kickboxing (maybe), guiding tours, doing yoga, and maybe volunteering at the daycare.

I am feeling good these days.  Happy about my decision to change majors and do Cultural Studies instead.  Settled in my new home with two incredible roommates and a mountain view.  Content with my activities.  Rejuvenated by my friendships.  Grateful for my family and the countless blessings around me.  I am feeling like I am on track, at last.

With much love,
Emmy

PS: Here are some photos of my (new) home:






Monday, December 30, 2013

Reflections of a Year

2013:

Winter. Woke up. Trudged to class, couldn't understand why everyone else was smiling.  Led tours. Taught yoga. Cried. Was quiet.  Skied. Depression settled silently in my bones.  Heaviness. Heaviness.  Painful memories. Belly danced to distract myself.  Painted for expression. Good conversations and comforting tea drinking with Camille. Tried to read. Couldn't concentrate.  Stopped, withdrew, decided to try something new. 

Spring. Came home.  Left school.  Learned about coffee and painting and yoga.  Had conversations at Connections and felt renewed.  The brainwaves started to move in a new direction.  Birthday on an island.  Delicious food.  Makyla visits and more wonderful yoga.  Portland.  Sebastopol.  Beautiful memories with Camille and Belen.  Sipping chai and savouring lovely friendship. Ashram life. Looking inwards.  Working in the garden. Hari Om. Exploring the Light. Quietness. Early nights and early mornings.

Winter (Summer). Magical plane ride with a dear old friend.  Landed in New Zealand, landed in paradise.  Hiking near golden sandy beaches and cerulean seas in the middle of winter.  There are still flowers in this magnificent country.  Devastated buildings.  Devastated Christchurch. Sadness.  Emptiness.  Doubt. Campervan trips and sparkly vibrant Dunedin. Sheep stations and wilderness trips.  Monday lunches with Leah.  Movies and mountains.  Rivers and running.  Crossing the Avon every morning and walking to class.  Yoga.  Dancing. Meditation.

Spring (Autumn).  Contentedness trickles back.  Depression lifts softly and silently, floating away back to the sky.  Marae visits and retreats with new friends.  Laughter and little children.  Wilderness beckons. Trekking. Navigating in the dark. School ends. Hiking in Fiordland. Sublime moments. Breathtaking landscapes.  1000 metres in elevation in 8 hours. Meeting North. A sweet week in Wellington. Seeing Avalanche City with Ellen. Bliss at Anahata Yoga Retreat. Seeing Golden Bay and forest and beautiful mornings.  Fire ceremony.  Biking to Pohara Beach. Bliss. Freedom.  Exams.

Summer (Winter).  Hiking near volcanoes.  Eel fishing by moonlight.  Jumping into waterfalls.  Leaping into waterfalls.  Leaping into...the abyss.  Embracing life's magnificence. Skydiving.  Bay of Islands.  Beautiful walks.  North.  Awe-inspiring trees. Weak in the knees. Alone and happy.  Alone and not alone.  New friends. Waiheke Island.  Parents come to visit.  Windy road anxiety.  Everything is going to be okay.  Everything is okay.  Fun times and kayak sailing and birds playing.  Australia for a week and home. Friends and familiarity.

It is a journey, healing happens when we open to the present moment and let go.  Thank you for all of the wonder and the love and the joy and the pain and the sorrow and all of it.  Thank you for every single beautiful soul I encountered and shared time with.  Thank you for the chance to live fully and deeply and to feel.  Thank you for life.  Thank you for life.  Thank you for life.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

A Christmas Walk and Other Simple Beauties

Every Christmas, my family goes on a walk.  It's pretty much our only tradition.  We usually walk in a different place each year, occasionally switching it up and going snow-shoeing or embarking on some other walking-related activity.  I like it because it's simple.  We don't give each other material gifts anymore or even have a tree and decorations, but we spend time together and share food, conversation, and fresh air instead.  To me, that's what Christmas is about - connection.  What are your thoughts on traditions and the material culture of Christmas these days?  How do you connect with those you love at this time of year?  What can we give that doesn't end up in the garbage? 

On a similar note, during my time off school, I began to volunteer at a very special coffee shop named Connections Coffeehouse in Burnaby.  Connections is also an initiative that is about relationships first, coffee (and other material goods) second.  It was the brainchild of a very inspiring woman named Brenda who believed that a gathering space was needed in her neighbourhood.  Connections is situated in a very densely populated high-rise neighbourhood where people would rarely reach out and connect to each other.  It's a non-profit coffeehouse run entirely by volunteers.  They serve excellent coffee (it's JJ Bean for those Vancouverites out there)....but most of all you can't help but notice the friendly, community-oriented, loving atmosphere.  People go to Connections for a conversation, or to have a playgroup, to meet a friend, or to meet a stranger...it's a gathering space in the truest sense.  After living in Christchurch - a city where the city center was destroyed by earthquakes 2-3 years ago - I realized the importance of somewhere where people can hang out and enjoy each other's company. Again, a simple idea yielding extraordinary results.  For more information about Connections (and to see a cool video that describes what they are about) see: http://connectionscoffee.ca/home/

I'm getting ready to start university again and this time I am feeling so positive and excited about it.  After having a refreshing and relaxing year off, it's time to return to the land of textbooks and notes and youth in all it's glory.  Haha.  I can't wait to see my friends and be absorbed by the incredible opportunity to spend all of my time learning.  What a privilege it is, to be able to attend university.  Every day I am so thankful for these opportunities.  I will try my best to keep you updated in the new year and to continue writing about my university experience and the wider journey of life.

Much love,
Emmy

Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Return of Words

It has been over six months since I last posted on this blog. (Thank you for your patience, dear reader).   Despite having had a wonderful time abroad and a wellspring of inspiration from New Zealand, finding the right words to share has been challenging.  I sat down at my computer numerous times and found myself at a loss - the sentences simply wouldn't flow.  Every word I typed seemed wrong.  Pulling words onto the page felt like wrenching out teeth. I couldn't get back in the groove of writing, and it distressed me since writing has been close to my heart for as long as I can remember. 

  I realize now that I identified (and probably continue to identify) strongly as a writer and as a student. When both of those labels were no longer applicable, when I took time off school and had an enormous writer's block, it was disturbing at first.  I felt lost.  As pathetic as it sounds, I wasn't quite sure of who I was anymore.   And maybe the reason I couldn't write was because I was applying so much pressure on myself to perform, to keep up, to maintain a blog.  My writing was coming from a place of force and coercion instead of compassion and openness.

A new possibility began to appear once I got over that initial horror.  There was a void created by the lack of associations, a space opened up. We identify with so many different roles and descriptors - perhaps it is only when we strip those away that we discover our true selves.  We are more than just daughters, sons, mothers, employees, students, and citizens - we are human beings.  And as time passed I began to see an intrinsic self worth that was neither grandiose nor insignificant.  It was just that as much as any other person, I was worthy of my own love and kindness.  The Buddha echoed that sentiment many years ago when he said, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."  The words started to float back.  I realized I hadn't lost anything at all - and although it sounded slightly different, I had changed - I found my voice again.

I know this is a familiar story.  The protagonist faces some challenge, overcomes it, and then comes out a stronger person.  Maybe it's a survival mechanism, just a way for us to make sense of life and not lose all hope.  But I've learned something new - sometimes the things we are most afraid of happening, the nightmare situations, hold the most potential for us to grow.

So in recognition of change and transition, I've revamped this blog in hopes that it better represents the journey I am on.  The title used to be "Going and Growing, Eventually Knowing" but I'm starting to see that perhaps we never really "know" anything it's just a journey of continual learning and adaptation.

  Maybe there is no final destination for knowledge, only an evolution of self. 

Thanks for sticking with me, dear reader.  Thank you for joining me on this sometimes-bumpy, eye-opening, heart-warming ride.  Let's navigate together and remember to enjoy the scenery...  xo

There's lots more to come!

PS: for a few snippets of my experience in New Zealand (unfortunately it wasn't kept very up to date) feel free to check out: http://www.emmyinnewzealand.wordpress.com