Reflections of a Year

2013:

Winter. Woke up. Trudged to class, couldn't understand why everyone else was smiling.  Led tours. Taught yoga. Cried. Was quiet.  Skied. Depression settled silently in my bones.  Heaviness. Heaviness.  Painful memories. Belly danced to distract myself.  Painted for expression. Good conversations and comforting tea drinking with Camille. Tried to read. Couldn't concentrate.  Stopped, withdrew, decided to try something new. 

Spring. Came home.  Left school.  Learned about coffee and painting and yoga.  Had conversations at Connections and felt renewed.  The brainwaves started to move in a new direction.  Birthday on an island.  Delicious food.  Makyla visits and more wonderful yoga.  Portland.  Sebastopol.  Beautiful memories with Camille and Belen.  Sipping chai and savouring lovely friendship. Ashram life. Looking inwards.  Working in the garden. Hari Om. Exploring the Light. Quietness. Early nights and early mornings.

Winter (Summer). Magical plane ride with a dear old friend.  Landed in New Zealand, landed in paradise.  Hiking near golden sandy beaches and cerulean seas in the middle of winter.  There are still flowers in this magnificent country.  Devastated buildings.  Devastated Christchurch. Sadness.  Emptiness.  Doubt. Campervan trips and sparkly vibrant Dunedin. Sheep stations and wilderness trips.  Monday lunches with Leah.  Movies and mountains.  Rivers and running.  Crossing the Avon every morning and walking to class.  Yoga.  Dancing. Meditation.

Spring (Autumn).  Contentedness trickles back.  Depression lifts softly and silently, floating away back to the sky.  Marae visits and retreats with new friends.  Laughter and little children.  Wilderness beckons. Trekking. Navigating in the dark. School ends. Hiking in Fiordland. Sublime moments. Breathtaking landscapes.  1000 metres in elevation in 8 hours. Meeting North. A sweet week in Wellington. Seeing Avalanche City with Ellen. Bliss at Anahata Yoga Retreat. Seeing Golden Bay and forest and beautiful mornings.  Fire ceremony.  Biking to Pohara Beach. Bliss. Freedom.  Exams.

Summer (Winter).  Hiking near volcanoes.  Eel fishing by moonlight.  Jumping into waterfalls.  Leaping into waterfalls.  Leaping into...the abyss.  Embracing life's magnificence. Skydiving.  Bay of Islands.  Beautiful walks.  North.  Awe-inspiring trees. Weak in the knees. Alone and happy.  Alone and not alone.  New friends. Waiheke Island.  Parents come to visit.  Windy road anxiety.  Everything is going to be okay.  Everything is okay.  Fun times and kayak sailing and birds playing.  Australia for a week and home. Friends and familiarity.

It is a journey, healing happens when we open to the present moment and let go.  Thank you for all of the wonder and the love and the joy and the pain and the sorrow and all of it.  Thank you for every single beautiful soul I encountered and shared time with.  Thank you for the chance to live fully and deeply and to feel.  Thank you for life.  Thank you for life.  Thank you for life.