Information Overload

I feel bombarded with information.  From advertisements to emails to facebook statuses to tweets to blog posts - I don't know what to do with all of it.  Half of our lives are virtual and what used to be personal and in person is no longer.  Don't get me wrong, I think there is a lot of value in much of the information we are offered and it is up to us how we choose to partake in this crazy world, but it got me thinking about how we portray our lives.

Going through my facebook newsfeed has become an exercise in inadequacy.  It just seems that everyone else has their lives together, are doing amazing things, and are super social.  Of course everyone is only creating an image of what they want others to see, but nonetheless it makes me feel inadequate.  Maybe this is purely a psychological thing for me, but is there anyone else out there who feels the same?

I guess it all comes down to comparing people.   I read somewhere that you can't let someone else's outsides compare with your insides.  It really doesn't achieve anything to compare yourself to someone else and it's impossible to do. We are all unique and wonderful in our own ways. (How's that for cheesy?).  Judgement lingers behind so much of my thoughts, I hope I can somehow cultivate more equanimity in my life.

One way I am hoping to do so is by living at Yasodhara Ashram for one month starting in June.  It looks like an incredibly beautiful place and I feel lucky to be able to attend.  After that, I am jumping on a 14 hour flight to Christchurch, New Zealand, where I will be studying at the University of Canterbury for a semester.  All of these exciting endeavors are not far away!  I will be sure to keep you updated on this blog. 

In the meantime I thought I'd write a spur of the moment poem, especially for you:

A road less travelled
is not better
or worse
it's simply less travelled.
and if you wander
along a new path
take comfort in the fact
that at least someone's
footsteps have marked the earth.
Even if they are only your own.

I didn't think I would end up here
but those unexpected detours
have led me to the wildflowers
and now the meadow is bursting
with colour
and for a few moments
I rest,
and feel the world grow
just a little brighter.

Life is Fleeting

Life is so fleeting.  Just a few days ago, I was sitting on a rock at the edge of the ocean, with sunbeams dancing across my face, listening to the crash of the Pacific waves. Not to sound too dreamy or anything.  But lately that's what I have been thinking about - the impermanence of all things.  Whether it's good or bad, nothing will last.

There's a freedom in this fleeting nature of life, if you stop trying to desperately hold onto all everything, perhaps you can appreciate it more.  By knowing your life is limited, you can live more fully.  Our relationships are handled more carefully because we realize they are fragile.  Our circumstances stop defining us because we realize they are temporary.

This has been a huge relief to me.  At the moment, I am living at home, volunteering and chilling out, and I know this won't be forever.  I can take time to truly relax because I know that soon I will be back in school and travelling....sometimes I feel like I can't wait for this period of my life to be over, but I know in time, it will.

A Break

Around this time a year ago I was a very busy lady.  With a bunch of friends, we had just pulled off an international fashion show raising $2000 for the Stephen Lewis Foundation, I was writing exams for 5 courses, I had an amazing roommate,  I was a student reporter for ubco.tv, I volunteered at a daycare, and I did yoga.  On the outside everything looked fine and dandy, but I had hardly any time for myself and the pressure was building.

A year later, much has changed.  I decided to take a semester off to re-calibrate and figure some things out.  For the last month or two, I have been going to painting classes, doing some yoga, and volunteering occasionally at a coffee shop.  Sometimes I help my parents out with their work. I read more, I contemplate life, I write in my journal.  Taking the time off has helped me to see that who I am is more than a student.  I realized my identity was previously so caught up in being a student that in some ways I had forgotten who I really was.  I'm starting to rediscover who I am, in between cups of tea and downward facing dogs.

The plan is to travel in the next few months. I'm off to California and Oregon at the end of April, then to England, and finally (fingers crossed) off to New Zealand for 6 months.  It has been a dream of mine to make it down under and I can't wait to finally see such a beautiful country.

Deciding to take a break was difficult.  It seemed selfish.  But in the end, I think we need to nourish ourselves before we can truly make a difference.  Taking time out to chill or realize or dreams or follow a different route can truly refresh our outlook and help us to find center again.

So at the moment the university adventures have  been placed on hold, and I'm exploring the world with new eyes.  Hope to see you soon.

Updates At Last

Words have escaped me for most of the last four months, but I am slowly finding my way back to the keyboard.

I don't have much to say besides the fact that I am so glad the last few months are over.  It has been a bit of a nightmare getting through this Fall, but I am praying that the Winter brings new fresh starts.  Sometimes we wander unfamiliar and scary roads.  I have definitely seen the edges of myself and my mind and while what was waiting was not always pretty, it's still an important part of me.

Self-acceptance, total self-acceptance, seems nearly impossible.  Will there always be parts of ourselves that we are uncomfortable with?  I don't know.

Here's what I do know for sure:
- Music, dancing, friends and good food make for an excellent night
- Having guests over is a blessing
- Exercise is important
- Forgivness is divine
- Everyone messes up sometimes
- School is not the most important thing
- We all need someone who will listen
- The Canadian mental health system needs some serious reform
- Teaching yoga is such a blessing
- Good friends and family see you at your worst and still love you

Wishing you a wonderful 2013!!!

All my love,
Emmy

In the Morning

  Here's a song to open with:

There is much more to say but alas my Economics homework beckons. I must follow the rational mind at least for a while.  I promise to return to this trusty keyboard and spill my heart onto pixels and pages and words that simmer off into the distance.

Much love,
Emmy

In Alignment (and the Flow)

At certain points in my life I have been "in the flow."  However hippy and floaty that sounds, these moments of intuitive guidance have sometimes lasted a week, sometimes a day, sometimes a moment.  And all it is, is that I feel like I am right on track.  Have you ever felt like that?  Like everything is aligning perfectly so that effortless effort can be accessed.  You go shopping, you find exactly what you were looking for.  There is one parking space left for you.  Or you meet a friend serendiptiously that you had been thinking of.

It reminds me of alignment in yoga.  After doing my wonderful training in Open Source Yoga under the humble and incredible Dan Clement, I realized more than anything that I am a student.  I often felt like there were huge gaps in my knowledge of yoga after doing mainly kundalini and restorative for so long.  I did not know about specific muscles, about how to protect your body from harm in poses.  I did not know that setting the foundation in your feet was so important, nor the wonderful effects of physical adjustments.  Most intriguing to me was the energy work that we did around chakras and the inner body.  Make your inner body bright.  This is such a beautiful refrain.

So when we are in the flow, in yoga, it is often difficult to maintain alignment.  Because we are moving quickly, the teacher cannot give adequate cues and enough time to really get in to the specific cells and muscles of the body.  Yet is possible to find alignment in flow?  Absolutely.  At times, we may feel the pace of yoga, the pace of life, to be faster.  Or we may feel the intuitive nudge to slow down.  We may need to pause.  We may let our fingers do the talking as they type away on our keyboards or we may consciously frame our thoughts in the most efficient way.  We have choices.

I have been reading Pema Chodron recently - she is a marvelous writer and soul.  My great friend Christina recommended her and I am so grateful.  Chodron suggests placing reminders throughout your day (eg. on your computer, on your wall) to take 3 conscious breaths and become present.  I have been trying to do this and it is working wonders.  To just breathe and let everything go.  To take the opportunity of a mounting emotion, a rising situation, and just breathe to recalibrate.  Just breathe and get back in touch with your body and heart. To move the energy down and away from our minds where it just circles and circles furiously and to no end.

I have met some amazing people recently - often these meetings felt orchestrated by something bigger than me.  But I just feel like the world is full of friends, of souls that are in alignment, of people that are aware of their souls, and of breathing - that connects us to our true self whenever we choose.  Whatever you believe, whatever religion you may follow, you are a human being.  And that is a miracle in itself.

Dancing in the Park

A few days ago I had the enormous pleasure of dancing in the park.  Near where I live, there are free dance lessons every week in a popular park and people who don't know each other dance together...it is an innocent and lovely way to build a community.  In this age of insulated, separate lives, where doors are triple locked and alarmed, when we are so fearful simply walking down the street alone - I think this dance initiative is so beautiful.  It gave us the chance to connect without words and from our hearts.  There was humour, positivity, and movement.  There is something beautiful about letting your body melt with the music, and being surrounded by other souls lost in honest expression.

source: http://www.deconcrete.org/2010/02/14/barefoot-in-the-park/