This is Beauty.

Poem on the Spur of a Moment, unedited.

Do you know that feeling?
Of settling stones in the pit of your stomach
And you wish it were like a cherry or a plum
and you could just
Eat the juicy fruit
And spit out the pit,
But instead it lands with a
Thud.

And greyness and darkness and blackness
And redness all seem to mix and mesh
That ugliness brown-grey-black results,
Right there in your stomach.
And feelings swirl in  a kaleidoscope
Of colours,
And you don't really know what they mean.

There's the magenta passion of lust
And the cool blue of detached melancholy
And the listless yellow of trying too hard to be happy
And the vibrant green of being alive.
We scribble over these precious
creations because we think it is bad to be sad.

We try furiously to paint another masterpiece
With a sword drenched in our own blood
Not realizing that paintings are made
With a gentle brush and caress
Instead of a violent stabbing.

So on this rainbow day in my cluttered room, I say
Marvel at the illuminated clouds
Because when it rains
You are are left with
Glistening sunshine
On your skin.

Thinking, Thinking

I've been thinking a lot recently.  And thinking kind of big - not in the same way as my sociology class - but more reflective, personal, and emotional. I was wondering what it means to be alive.  First of all, what do you think? 

This modern digital age urged me to go to my one trusted resource: good ole Google.   One of the first things that popped up  was someone else's blog titled " Erosophy:  The Interested, Embodied, Passionate Love of Wisdom"  and I thought I would quote this wise blogger:

"And in the midst of all of this I have realized that this sort of thing is exactly what life is about. Life isn't about picture-perfect family gatherings and smooth sailing all the way. Life is messy, life is painful, life is maddening, life weighs heavily, life is tenuous. And then life is also beautiful: the sound of my grandmother's snoring, the touch of her soft hand, the big bear hug from an uncle, the beautiful honesty and truthfulness that comes in a plea for help. This is what it means to be alive, beautifully, joyously, painfully alive." - http://erosophy.blogspot.com/2007/06/what-it-means-to-be-alive.html

Her comments remind me of the whole idea about our most difficult and chaotic times being the ones with the most potential.  Potential to break our old habits and jolt back to life.  The weird thing is, no matter how bizarre the event or circumstance, we don't necessarily HAVE to start seeing things differently.  Often we can just keep going as if it never happened.  We have the choice about how our experiences shape us.

Okay I think that is enough philosophy for today.

A Rocking Weekend

VOCO is the Varsity Outdoors Club at our university, and it is an amazing group to be part of!  For only thirty dollars a year, you have access to all the incredible trips, lessons, and adventures outside in this beautiful region.

This weekend we took off  and did a bit climbing with some spectacular people!  Not only did we get to meet great new friends, climb to ridiculously beautiful heights, jump in a lake afterwards, camp on top of a mountain.....but we had precious time to breathe clean fresh air and take a break from academics.

I really  do believe that university is learning in all sense of the word....as Mark

Twain said, “ I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”  There are some things better learned indoors and some things better learned outdoors.

While I was camping alone in a tent that night, on top of a mountain, in pristine nature, I got a bit scared.  I kept hearing footsteps around my tiny tent and I didn’t know what or who it was.  It got me thinking about how our minds do that sometimes – invent stories.  In truth, I was perfectly safe...but that fear felt so visceral as I was waiting for my mattress to inflate.  That’s because emotions are sensation.  They are our physical response to thoughts, and they are ok.   So many of us feel like we are not in control of our emotions, that they determine how we operate.  I have felt like that too.  The truth is that once we feel them, we can let them pass.   We have to let our emotions pass through us, not try to get rid of them as soon as we can.  As Jung so wisely put it, “What you resist, persists.

Just fyi, those footsteps around my tent were a family of deer, according to a friend who walked by.

I don’t know how I got to talking about that when all I really wanted to do was to let you know I had a beautiful beautiful time with VOCO this weekend.

Thank you for that.  

View from my Window

This is what I look at as I turn to my right, while writing this post.....the view from my dorm window.  Doesn't get much better than that.  I feel so lucky!!

  Oh yeah, and it's like 30 degrees outside today.  Okanagan heat is back!

PS: By the way, do you know how depressing it is to continually check blog comments and continually see - "NO COMMENTS FOUND."  Haha, not to sound desperate or anything.

Avalanche City

Recently a really good friend let me in on the ridiculously beautiful secret of Avalanche City, who make incredible music.  I hear that the guy in it plays ALL the instruments and sings in most songs!  Isn't that impressive?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMVVTZO5Dck

I like the acoustic version of this song better, but I just love the escapism and spontaneity in the lyrics....it's so romantic.  And as my favorite kiwi friend told me, the line "there's nothing a bit of fresh breeze won't cure"  is very characteristic of New Zealand.  This is a huge part of the reason why I would like to do my study abroad over there!  Or should I say down under there :P

~

In the car on the way to the city
in the morning it was foggy on the windscreen
we talked about the day ahead
and shouldn't we just run away instead

We started to believe our dreams
and I just kept driving right past the exit
throwing our cellphones out of the window
yelling at the city goodbye we wont miss you

I knew now that our lifes on track
as I felt the strength down in my bones come back
you smile at me and I at you
cos this is all we ever wanted to do

So to the south now with our hearts alive
and our heads free of worry that our lives provide
off far in the distance almost out of sight
goodbye to city days so long to city nights

So believing every word we say
I drove on until the break of day
a smile stretched from my ear to yours
there's nothing a bit of fresh breeze wont cure

Go on, you said
Drive on, you said
Go on
Go on

Letting Go, Holding On

One of my wonderful floor mates, Emily, gave me a great quote the other day:
" All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." - Henry Ellis

It feels more real than ever.  Sometimes I find myself torn between two (or three) worlds, of my old school Pearson College, my home and family, and finally here where I actually live.  It is hard to let go, because at Pearson and at home there is so much attachment - to people and place.

What do you think?  Is it better to live in the present? Or divulge temporarily into the past or future?  Obviously sometimes it's necessary to plan or reflect, but how does one go about "living now?"  I know Eckhart Tolle has some interesting ideas on the topic....

On another note, classes are great!  I especially love sociology, gender studies, and English!  I have some rad profs!